Showing posts with label codependency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label codependency. Show all posts

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Part Six: Priesthood of the Future


   Beyond Clericalism
 What is the proper sense of self a priest should have in relating to other priests and to people? He should be a disciple focused on, and lost in, Jesus Christ. The priest “creates” himself, he forms his character, and he develops his personality in response to the Christ event. This response is what it means to live as a disciple. Clericalism made and makes it easier for priests to be churchmen only, rather than disciples, easier to be official functionaries than to follow the Master, easier to go through the motions, rituals, and activities, than to go through the continuing conversion required of us as “clay vessels” in Christ’s hands.   Clericalism makes it possible to reduce the Christ event to moralism, ritualism, legalism,  dogmatism, or to an ideology like any other, instead of a lived relationship to Christ in Faith, Hope, and Love. Clericalism promotes a codependent system whereby empty forms could become a substitute for the adventure of a real spiritual life.

Since every human being is a mystery, no one can ever claim to perfectly know or understand another. The” you” I know is the result of my perceptions of you, and my perceptions of you are largely dependent upon my perceptions of myself as well as how you impact me. Inevitably I will project onto you what is not there, but simply baggage I carry because of who I am. You will do the same in your perceptions of me. Neither of us is ever in full touch with ourselves or the real human person the other is. Complicating this truth is the changing Culture we live in. At any given point of time, America has a somewhat established and yet somewhat fluid way of seeing and treating men of the cloth. Also, men of the cloth, clerics, have come to expect a certain level of treatment based on past experience and have difficulty dealing with shifts in their social standing. This fixed-fluid social reality of Clericalism is as unstable as the greater Culture it fits into, so it is highly volatile!  In addition, because American Culture is increasingly secular, Grace is a constant challenge and surprise as it brings the unforeseeable action of God into the picture. (Clericalism, of course, makes Grace unnecessary, because it enables the priest to operate out of his own ego.)
Take the situation of any priest ordained, in 1977, or in 2007. He is part of a church system and social structure that is in place but also in flux because of the influences both natural and supernatural. The Culture of the Day, the influence of Grace, all interpenetrate priest and people to varying degrees. The priest daily has to decide if Grace will shape him.  If he makes no decision, he will be a product of the Culture. Culture’s power is to cultivate, perpetuate itself and its hold on society. Culture is an ecosystem that fosters and rewards the organisms in it to take on and incarnate its values. It is never a neutral grocery store in which one can freely pick and choose from assorted options. God’s Grace, however, creates its own culture built on man’s free response to it, which flies in the face of the predominating social culture. It will always be easier for a priest or any Christian to act out of the influences of the culture around him than out of the graces that come from above.
The most any priest can do is live up to his call to be a disciple and define himself by his relationship to the Christ event. If he functions only as a churchman, he works without grace, with only his personal charm, intelligence, will power, character, etc.  In short he becomes like any professional who functions on an ego level without God. If he lives as a disciple, he puts his skills and talents as a churchman in the service of Christ.
The priest has to live from grace to grace, inspired, sustained and led by the promptings of the Spirit. The Law of the gift is the operative principle of his priestly existence. No matter what natural gifts he has, they can never accomplish what he achieves by faithful discipleship. How can a priest take himself seriously when he says “I absolve your sins?” How can he do anything but laugh at himself when he says “This is my body”? Nothing he does as a priest is the result of his natural, human capabilities. His communion with Christ, his discipleship, consists in realizing that his ‘nothingness’ is precisely what makes him Christ’s instrument. Ordination makes him the property of Jesus Christ. That is the beauty of the Sacrament. Clericalism, on the other hand, encourages the self deception that he can somehow belong to Christ and still be his own man.

  The surprise is not to find forms of Clericalism and codependency in the Church.  The surprise would be if church were free of it. That will not happen till the kingdom has come in its fullness. Grace builds on nature but cannot be superimposed on it. Clericalism prevents authentic human relationships . The infused virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity cannot plant themselves in a human nature that is not open receptive to them.  Their purpose is to open us human beings to the Christ Event. An ungraced humanity ends up being inhuman.  I am incapable of recognizing who I really am as a human being or who another is, without the help of grace. I have to be living as a fallen-but-graced self in order to relate to another in a manner that is not codependent.  To live unaware of my fallen state, or to live unaware of my need for God’s grace, is already to be in a state of wrong relationship to others, and therefore codependent.

 Are there more serious matters than Clericalism for the priest to concern himself with?  Not really. Poverty, world hunger, drugs, racism, injustice, trafficking in human beings, genocide, abortion, etc. – all  obviously destroy countless people on a daily basis. That is the real world the priest is called to bring Christ’s love to. He cannot communicate Christ’s love to anyone unless he is first living in it. Clericalism prevents him from doing what he is called to do in Christ’s plan. Remember Christ’ words about the hypocrisy of the Pharisees who “…. preach but do not practice” (Matt. 23:33).  “They bind heavy burdens hard to bear and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves will not move them with their finger. (vs.34)” Certainly the point is that false piety should not be imitated.  But Our Lord is saying that it should not be winked at either. The collusion in Clericalism is the winking, the unspoken agreement that neither priest nor laity has to live the stuff that is preached, only pretend that they do. Priests are called to lead by example, not by word, and not by posturing. Artificial niceness reduces the faith to good manners and a pleasant demeanor. Courtesy and politeness can be no more than protecting one's personal space from interference and preserving one's individualism.
Once pretence is portrayed as the norm for people to live by, it becomes the “heavy burden” Christ speaks of, the one that cannot be borne.  What is so unbearable about it? The split it causes inside us who try to carry the burden by living one way and believing another. The longer the split is lived, the more ingrained and deformative it becomes.  In the short term such a psychic split prevents spiritual growth in priest and people.  In the long term, it leads to spiritual death, the “second death” that lasts forever.  (Rev.2:11 and 2O:14)  It is inevitable that either we end up living the way we believe, or we end up believing the way we live.
 Clericalism is based on the priest’s covenant with his false self: “I will pretend to be better than I am, I will project that image before all, I will lay on them my expectation that they will deal with me as if my idealized image were my real self, I will resist with all my might any attempt on the part of God or man to break through my façade, and I will build my life on this lie. To this I pledge myself.” That is a narcissist’s vow, a “Baptismal Promise” to his false self, which ultimately leads to his self destruction.  If a priest continues to shape himself on the basis of what he is not, he is acting as if what he is did not really exist. Thus he grows further and further away from his real identity as well as more and more incapable of recognizing that he is doing so. He becomes so blinded and so bound by his behavior that he falls in love with his false self and never sees that he is his own worst enemy.
      As with every human being, it is the priest’s real self that is called to be holy.  His calling is to put his humanity in the service of Christ, as Christ put his humanity in the service of all. How is the priest to do this? The way Christ calls him to do so at the Last Supper, by drinking from the cup of suffering that will result in his transformation and salvation. By eating the bread that will enable him to give himself up for the people he serves.  He is called to make of himself the victim and sacrifice he offers in the Eucharist. The priest has to become what he offers, live the sacrament he celebrates, that is what his vocation calls him to.
Why not just say that his calling is “to grow in holiness”? Certainly that is true, but it is also vague and vacuous. In our culture, holiness is the impossible dream of Don Quixote, and only possible by denying, repressing, or falsely “transcending” one’s humanity. The priest has to witness to Christ by being a man whose real human self is immersed in Christ’s gift of his divine-human self to His people.  This is the way he is to grow in holiness and lead his flock to Christ.  Any other life style makes his call to Orders a hoax.   
The priest may live his sacrifice by serving his people in many ways: by working in a poor, or rich, or ethnic parish with the various ministries that entails; by specializing as a priest teacher, high school principal/chaplain/guidance counselor, hospital chaplain, chancery official, etc... No matter what the ministry, the element of self sacrifice is an essential part. Even in retirement, the component of self sacrifice is never absent. Today it is an ironic fact of priestly life that forced retirement is imposed on some priests because they have been wrongly accused of sexual abuse of minors.  What greater sacrifice than to suffer this kind of victimization precisely because of one’s configuration to Christ by the Sacrament of Orders? It is reminiscent of John the Baptist’s plight as he awaits death in Herod’s dungeon instead of being allowed to work in the marketplace for the Messiah. What could be more sacrificial than the slow martyrdom of forsakenness and abandonment?
Brotherhood 
What should facilitate and strengthen the priest today are: 1) the brotherhood of the priesthood and the communal  nature of church life.  At present,  the individualism of American Culture as well as the anticlerical attitudes among priests and people make ministry more difficult than it has to be.
                How do we priests get beyond Clericalism?  First, recognize that it is real, it exists, and its hold is firmest when it is not recognized. One of the surest signs of addiction is denial, and Clericalism is an addictive life-style. Since addiction is complex, the cure is multifaceted.  Look at some of the main ingredients in the stew that create the climate of Clericalism in the USA: individualism, priestly formation, low morale and mutual mistrust among clergy, a lone ranger style of ministry, ignorance of one’s human nature with its innate needs for communication, and shifting social expectations. With a stew like that, how could any priest or person be so stupid as to think he could deal with the dilemma by himself?  Brotherhood is the basic, ongoing need that has to be part of priestly lives in the future in order for the present system not to perpetuate itself.
                In American culture a sense of community is no longer the foundation of society; autonomous individualism has replaced it. Our society may be communal in some places more than others, but it is so only superficially, and as a whole, a spirit of individualism predominates. In underdeveloped countries, such as the African Continent, where the individual is seen as an extension of the people, a sense of community is as natural, and tribal brotherhood is as normal as breathing. In America neither community nor a sense of brotherhood can be assumed. Education into both has to begin in the seminary with young men who are already on the road to being largely individualistic. Their formation in community and brotherhood cannot be left to their personal initiative because American males would see individualism as a positive part of their personality and be unaware of their need for brotherhood in the priesthood.
                If formation is to involve the whole person and make him capable of communion with God and man, it has to start with the actual human nature of the seminarians. As students they need to absorb the truth of Monsignor Giussani’s words, “To be good priests, you first of all, have to be men, to feel what men feel. Live the relationship with everything that becomes present. Live the truth of your humanity. Cry because you need to cry - or you are afraid, because the problem is difficult and you feel the inadequacy of your strength. Be human; live your humanity as an aspiration, as a sensitivity to problems, as a risk to face, as a faithfulness to what God makes urgent in your soul. In this way, reality will appear to your eyes in a new way.” When seminarians and priests live those words with one another, Clericalism will fade away. Living that humanely will open them to the Christ who calls them to be brothers in his priesthood.
                The seminary has available to it the firm foundation of Christian Anthropology established by John Paul the II from his writings both as a bishop in Poland and later as Pope in Rome, in which he bases the dignity of the human person on Scripture, Philosophy, and Theology.  But this treasure is largely left buried, like gold that has not yet been taken from a mine. Seminaries in this country need to build their formation programs on the riches left to the Church for the formation of generations of priests to come. ALL candidates for ordination, whether recruited from abroad or native born need to benefit from John Paul II’s teachings in order to form the brotherhood that will enable them to be priests after Christ’s own heart. A seminary or diocese that does not base their priestly formation on a well developed Christian anthropology will only continue to codependent clerical system that now exists.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Clericalism, American Style

Like everything else, Clericalism began working on me before I knew it was there.   By the time I was ordained, I was already enjoying the clerical state and therefore blind to an objective perception of it.   Since Clericalism feeds the ego, a taste for it was easy for me to acquire and keep on nourishing. Today I see Clericalism as an unfortunate, inevitable evil; unfortunate because of the suffering it spawns, and   inevitable because it is hardwired into human nature.  Clericalism is an evil parasite. It eats up and lives off of the souls it inhabits. Ultimately, it makes priests and people dead branches instead part of the living vine.
Most people today, if they think of Clericalism at all, would say it means a priest or minister abusing his position of trust in society for personal pleasure of a sexual nature, or for gain by taking advantage the perks which are part and parcel of his profession. That impression, while accurate in many regards is inadequate because it is incomplete. Clericalism isn’t reducible to sexual abuse, or enjoying perks. It is a relationship, a social reality, a way people regard men of the cloth, and a way men of the cloth regard people. Clericalism is a systemic codependent relationship in which both priests and people deal with one another not on the basis of their humanity, their real selves, but their imaginary selves, idealized and/or demonized to various degrees. This reflection attempts to relate the unfortunate yet inevitable reality of Clericalism to its broader dimensions, the most important of which is Christ Himself and the priest’s sacramental configuration to Him.
To set the groundwork, let me offer some seminal experiences from my past which help awaken me to the problem:
1.) I remember walking into a department store when I was newly ordained back in 1968, and getting a discount of 20 % on something I purchased.  It came as a surprise to me.  I thought the clerk had made a mistake.  So in my in my “Boy Scout” honesty I spoke up.  The clerk told me that it was store policy to give a discount to “men of the cloth”. I certainly didn’t mind. That night I shared my experience at the supper table with my first pastor, and he told me that the same discount applied pretty much across the board, with Airlines, trains, and busses as well as stores.  He gave me some information on how I could get a Clergy Pass, so the discount would be applied automatically whenever I travelled.  That certainly was fine with me.  Priest salaries were not high at that time, and I didn’t mind getting a break because I wore the Collar. It was a nice perk. Within a few years, however, the discounts had disappeared, and our salaries had risen considerably.  I loved the increased in salary, but I was not very happy that clergy discounts had disappeared. The times had changed, just after I had developed a sense of entitlement.
 2.) In those early days of my priesthood, it did not take me long to discover that clergy also got a pass on misbehavior.  In 1968, it was overlooked if Father drank too much, or did poor job preaching, or had a nasty temper.  Back then, Father even had the right to get angry and go on a rant! The Collar put him above reproach.  In legal matters where a complaint had been lodged, the Collar also got him a warning to get out of town before the posse arrived. I saw this happen at my first assignment, although it took a few weeks to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out what was going on. The details are blurred today, but I still remember the specifics that matter.
 I was in the backyard of the rectory. I had parked my new Plymouth Valiant in the garage, and was on my way to the backdoor porch, when a State Police car pulled in to yard and parked by the garage. The Hartford police parked in the church yard and school yard all the time, so I no longer noticed their cars. But a state police cruiser was an unusual sight. I stopped and stood there to see what was going on.  A trooper got out of the car, tipped his hat to me, (again, remember this was in 1968) and asked if the Pastor was in. I was about to say “I’m not sure because I’m just arriving myself”, when out of the door back door walked the Pastor. So, instead of saying “I’m not sure….,”my words to the trooper became “There he is now.”  With that, I headed into the rectory. Although I wanted to hang around, I somehow knew I should not.
At supper that night the three of us, (the Pastor, myself and the other assistant) sat at the table, but a fourth chair was empty. For the past couple of weeks, it had been filled by a visiting priest who was staying in the guest room upstairs. I remember asking if I should go call him, or if he was going to be in for supper, or some such thing. And the reply came that he had left. The tone of the pastor’s voice did not invite question or comment. I have no memory as to what we spoke of next, but I do know we did not talk about his leaving. The pastor’s tone of voice made me sense that I was not supposed to raise the subject.  I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I was part of a conspiracy of silence around his departure. In truth, the silence was not consciously a conspiracy, but a general unawareness and unfamiliarity with the complexities of sexuality. Since I did not even know the meaning of the term pedophilia in those days, no pings or dots appeared on my mental radar screen for me to ignore.
What do I recall about our visitor? I remember him as a pleasant dinner companion, affable, easy to be with, who came from a diocese down South, and spoke with a slight drawl. He was on vacation, had people he wanted to see in the area, and was staying with us for a while.  Slowly but surely my mind began to doubt this information was accurate and complete. Little by little I began to put the arrival of the state trooper in the back yard with the priest’s unexpected departure.  Did the trooper arrive with some kind of complaint about the priest? Was he asking the Pastor if the priest was staying with us? Or did he come to warn the Pastor so that the Pastor could warn the priest?  It could have been any of the above.  Did the Pastor lie to the trooper about the priest’s presence and then tell the priest about the trooper’s visit?  Who knows? Maybe there was no connection between the trooper’s appearance and the priest’s disappearance, but the time-line led me to associate the two and look for a link even though I had no proof of one. I may be doing the priest, the trooper, and my Pastor an injustice, but I had the suspicion the Pastor warned our visitor, (with or without the trooper’s okay), to get out of Dodge before the posse grabbed him.
 3.)  Some months later, the Pastor asked me if I would like to be Principal of the school. I agreed, without giving the matter any thought at all. I was in the habit of visiting the classrooms, giving short talks to the kids, and interested in education. Why not be principal? The reason was very simple: because I was in no way qualified for the position.  They fact that I was a priest gave me no automatic right to be a principal. Any of the nuns who taught in the grammar school would have been better qualified than I was.  It amazed me how much more educated most nuns were than most priests.  The reason why was simple: we stopped our formal education once we got out of the seminary, whereas they continued theirs. Every summer while parish life went into low gear, the sisters, dressed in black, in the steaming summer heat, went and took courses at St. Joseph College, continuing their education.  It was laughable that I was their principal; even more laughable was that they all accepted my appointment as a matter of course.  The school secretary had more knowledge about running a school than I did. I feel sure that much of the drive for women’s ordination to the priesthood today has its historical roots in the unjust discrimination nuns and women in general endured in the not too distant past.
What did those three examples teach me about Clericalism?  Privilege and perks, a behavioral pass, confusion of competence with status, and exaggerated respect, all these elements were part of the package that would foster future resentment. But they are far from the complete package.
To Be Continued...