The Masculine Love of John for Christ

John 13: 23 One of his disciples lay on Jesus' breast, the one whom Jesus loved.

John "places himself in a completely different relationship to the Lord from that of the other disciples. The others are still wholly caught up in themselves, enclosed in their own spheres...John, on the contrary,  rests on Jesus' breast....He knows only one thing and it fills his whole soul: the Lord loves him, and he lets himself be loved by the Lord. That is the single content of his life; that is his office.

...the hierarchical Church, for which the sacraments were instituted, and which is their steward, does not exclude the Church of love. with its immediate contact between loving souls and the Lord. 

    Why does the Lord permit this uttermost sign of  love: resting on his breast? Is it because he himself is man? Or is it because John is a lover? Both reasons are valid.  The Lord is a human, and every human being needs tangible love.

...But neither the Lord's love nor John's love has a purpose at this moment. although the purposes of love are fulfilled, love rests entirely in itself, having its own meaning in itself. John symbolizes love  as Peter does office. Both were called from the very beginning. Since then, Peter has been singled out in many respects. but here John is clearly given preference. It shows that such love for the Lord really exists, and that it takes this form. This is made evident to all, without the others feeling set aside. For John embodies the love of all. He is love becoming visible. One sees in him what love is. The Lord condescends to this form of loves' expression so that the others will recognize love in it.

Here John is at the same time the first priest, and as such an incitement to love. He shows that the priestly office, far from excluding the office of love, rather has love as its center. As long as a priest does not venture to lay his head on the Lord's breast, his love is not yet completely given. What John, the model, does, is perfect self-giving in love, resting in love, in a love that is not continually doing and demanding, but ultimately simply love, and rests in love.

John also represents masculine love without the slightest trace of disorder; the love between men who share the same orientation in their work and tasks, looking in the same direction, but then turning at times to each other and resting with each other, beyond office and work. The Lord wants us to seek and see not only restless intensification in love; he wants us to find the fulfillment of love as well. We should allow ourselves this time of fulfillment and not distort the growth and the always-more of Christian life into a kind of athletic achievement.  This generosity, which gives itself time and takes a break, is likewise masculine.

John: The Farewell Discourses Adrienne Von Speyr Vol. III pp. 47, 48    Ignatius Press