Christ and Codependence

                                                              

PART ONE

Why am I writing about Christ and Codependence?  Or, for that matter, why should you bother to read it? The best answer I can give is that Christ is the Way out of Codependence. However, for some readers, that may seem like the worst answer. They would probably ask me:  “Why bring Christ (and therefore ‘religion’ of some sort) into a discussion of Codependence? Certainly we can study the topic without Him”.  Am I being narrow-minded, arrogant or sectarian, trying to sneak in my religious views where they don’t belong and impose them on others?  I don’t think so. I know Christ and Codependence don’t fit together in everyone’s minds, so I need to explain what I am doing and why.

One reason is that I write from a Faith perspective. From that perspective Codependence is something that Christ is constantly confronting in us whether we are aware of it or not. Becoming aware can be a step forward for us so we do not offer him so much resistance.  Since my religious Faith creates that perspective in me, it would be unfair of to expect me to jump out of my skin and try to write as if I were a non believer.  Secondly,  looking at the issue of Codependence from a  Christian Faith Perspective broadens and deepens my horizons by opening the topic to the dimension of Divine Mystery instead of focusing on the issue narrowly, say, from the perspective of one brand of Psychology or another. Thirdly, Christ is involved in issues of codependence in one situation after another all the time throughout the four Gospels. Fourthly Christ is not just one more player in the arena of Codependence because I or anyone else decides to mention Him, but because of whom he is. He is the Creator of all that is.  He is the Logos, the Cause, Rationale, and Goal of all that exists.  “In him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible… all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things and in him all things hold together. (Colossians I: 16-17) We all appear as blips on his radar screen even if we try to keep him out of the private Ego Bubble that makes up our little world.

 For example, suppose I jump off the Empire State Building, a) because I a depressed and suicidal, or b) because I am insane and think I am able to fly. It really doesn’t matter what I think or how I feel. The Law of Gravity will automatically take effect. No matter what my state of being, I will fall to my destruction. My accepting, rejecting, or ignoring the Law of Gravity, doesn’t influence its operation. The same is true of Christ. He is the Word, “through whom all things were made and without whom was not anything made that was made” (John 1:3). There is nothing that is a part of us that he is not in touch with, and nothing that does not touch him. Everything finds its origin, meaning and fulfillment in him. He is the Alpha and Omega. All that our human nature goes through is caught up in his Incarnation, redeemed by his Crucifixion, and drawn up with him to the Father in his Resurrection and Ascension. This includes the Cosmic Laws that guide the stars, sun, moon, and planets, as well as those which govern us ensouled bodies.

If I had been born in a different time or place, I might have been a pantheist, an atheist, an agnostic, or a believer in any of many different gods. I am sure that no matter when or where I was born, I would have been codependent!

 I am happy to be here now and be the person I am. But the fact is that (as is the case with every other human being,) I could very easily never have been born, and in that case the world would exist quite nicely without me. I am not necessary to the world for its operation. My existence and thinking may matter little in terms of the dynamics that govern creation in general and human existence in particular. The same is true of every one of us. But because I am alive now and have both Faith and Reason now, I would be foolish not to make the best use I have of both. My hope is that by doing so I will cooperate with Christ in his work of freeing me from my codependence and, Deo Volente, even be of some help to others.

PART TWO

 As a Roman Catholic priest, I have often wondered why we Catholics, lay, religious, and clergy, do not make more progress in our spiritual lives. My experience tells me that generally we Catholics are more likely to be spiritual pygmies than spiritual giants.  One of the reasons is that we are caught up in codependent behavior patterns that render us incapable of true spiritual growth. Much of the time, our Christianity may be more counterfeit than genuine, in spite of our sincerity.   For example, I can think I am praying to Christ correctly, or following him as a disciple, or keeping his commandments, yet that will not actually be the case.  Instead, I will be caught up in my own codependent style and unconsciously attempt to catch Him up in it too. In fact, real conversion, discipleship, and prayer are not possible until I grow in self knowledge and wake up to my codependent style.  

The instance of the two brothers fighting over money in Luke 12:13 is an example of this problem. One of the brothers tells the Lord: ‘’Teacher, bid my brother divide the inheritance with me.” The man sees Christ as some kind of authority figure that he can appeal to, and is asking him for help in getting the property he thinks he has a right to.  On the surface, it seems like a fair enough request.  The brothers know that Christ has a reputation for being a caring, loving person who can work wonders to help people out of difficult situations. He does what is right and good to everyone.  So Christ’s response must have come as a surprise to the brother. “Man, who made me a judge or divider over you?”   (vs. 14)  He refuses the request, and says he does not have to involve himself in their dispute. They must have been surprised by his response. Probably they changed their minds about him. He definitely was not the “nice guy” they thought he was.

 Christ does not feel obliged to fulfill the man’s expectations.  He is not going to take the side of one of the brothers over the other.  It is not a question of which brother is in the right, because from Our Lord’s perspective both are wrong.  Christ warns the two of them:  “Beware of all covetousness.” They’re both in the wrong, because both are acting out of their desire for more. Neither is really interested in justice, just in winning the fight.  That is why Christ won’t get involved in their squabble. He won’t collude with them and play their game by their rules.

 What does this have to do with codependency? Everything!  It is a great example of the way we relate to Christ out of our codependent style with one another and expect Him to go along with us. But He who is the Truth is going to expose our falsity. The two brothers are into aggression as a way of getting what they want.  This has probably been going on since childhood, and now it is a fixed style they are more or less locked into whenever they relate.  Even when they are civil or polite, the underlying aggression is there, like a tiger ready to pounce, when the opportunity presents itself.  But neither brother has enough self knowledge to be aware of this habitual behavior. The self deception, or blindness in Biblical terms, is a component of codependent life style.  So each thinks (probably in all sincerity) he is seeking justice, when he is basically looking for his own advantage.  Even if they both agreed to let Christ mediate their dispute, his decision would not bring about harmony or peace between them.  Their fighting would continue, no matter what He decided.   The real solution is for each to realize that covetousness, self seeking greed for what the other has, is in their hearts and moving them to be fighting with each other over everything.

 Christ is not a Mr. Fixit with quick one-step solutions to our problems. He calls us to a new way of being that begins with conversion, and deepens as the conversion takes us over more and more completely.  In our struggle for independence and control, we would like to reduce conversion to a simple, one-step process. (Been there, done that!  In fact, still there, still doing that!) Conversion includes the crucifixion of our Ego, and the Ego has such a grip on us that it colors all we do, including our relating to God.