The Threesome

 Part One: The Call

“And Jesus took Peter, James and John…” (Matthew 17:1)

Peter, James and John, stood out among the Twelve, because Christ called them to accompany Him at various times but left the other nine behind.   Because of that special blessing, I imagine Peter, James and John fell into the habit of getting together as a threesome and talking about Christ with one another. This meditation, the first of a series, is an attempt to enter into their conversations and see Christ as they were seeing Him, or better yet, as they were learning how to see Him, through talking about Him with one another.  It is not possible to associate all their conversations with specific events, places, and circumstances, in their common life with Christ. Nor, to express their insights and feelings as   experienced and expressed by them.  But since Truth emerges fresh and new in dialogue among friends, these conversations may help us to come in contact with the mysterious person of Christ who so captivated them. I invite you to listen to them, and enter into the dialogue with three witnesses who knew Him better than we do.

Peter: Do you two ever think about the day He called you? (James and John nod affirmatively.) So what do think about? What do you remember?

John: Well, I try to understand why I said yes. I mean, I don’t think I said “yes” in words, just said it by doing it. I still don’t know how to put it all into words. I’m sure I would not have left everything and followed anybody else who told me to follow him.

 James:  I began to follow Him because you did. I thought He would be a good teacher. He seemed wise, friendly, and honest to me, but I had no idea what He was like. I didn’t really understand what I was getting into. I don’t know when it dawned on me that this was going to on and on for the rest of my life. I’m sure I could walk away tomorrow if I decided to, and He wouldn’t stop me, but I know He wouldn’t want me to,  and I guess my point is, I don’t want to either.

John: So Peter, why did you decide to follow Him?

Peter: I don’t know all my reasons. I do remember that one of them was to protect Andrew.  Remember, Andrew brought me to Him. Andrew isn’t the best judge of people, and I wasn’t sure he wasn’t getting into trouble. Another reason was that I was curious. I wanted to see who this Jesus was that had impressed him.

 John: So why did you stay, instead of leaving and taking Andrew with you?

Peter: I’m not sure I can explain it.  I liked fishing, I enjoyed the work, not just catching the fish, but the selling too, talking to people from here and there, haggling with them over the price,  giving in a little, but getting them to agree with my price in the end. It was a good life. Sometimes I miss it. But not enough to leave this.

James: But that still doesn’t tell us why you said yes to His call in the first place. 

Peter: The best I can do is put it this way: I had a sense that He knew me better than I realized, that He saw through me. It was scary. I don’t know why I felt that way but I did.  Anyway, that was the feeling I had when He said He wanted to make me a “fisher of men”. It was as if He had my whole life worked and it was up to me if I wanted to say yes to it.  

James:  Gee, that would have been enough to shake me up and scare me off.  If I felt he saw through me the first time I was with him, and He had plans for my whole life, I would have said no to Him then and there.

John: Yes, but now you wouldn’t, because now you know you can trust Him, even though you don’t always understand Him.  As for me, I think I had lots of reasons why I said yes to his call, more reasons than I understand, but I think the basic reason back then was I felt a connection between us, a contact, that was deep inside my guts. I knew I liked Him, but his pull on me was deeper than any feeling that attracted me to Him.  I don’t know, I felt like He was already connected to me even though we had never spoken before. I guess I am saying I felt He already knew me better than I knew myself, and that connection made me say yes to Him.

Peter:  Keep talking. I think you are on to something.

John: No. I’ve thought about this a lot, and that’s the best I can do for now. But another thing I think about is why did He choose all of us? There are plenty of men out there He could have called. He seems to love everybody.  So why call us twelve instead of twelve others, and why stop at twelve?

(James and Peter both shrug and indicate they have no idea)

 John:  But He knows. He knows why he chose us three, and the others. And why He wants only twelve of us instead of ten or fifteen. Somehow He’s on top of what is happening.  He doesn’t force things, but He is in charge.  I think any of us could have said no to Him.  We still could. We could walk off tomorrow if we wanted to and He wouldn’t stop us. But somehow I think He knows we won’t.

Peter. Yeah, I think you are right about that.  I don’t think any of us want to leave. What I don’t get is why He doesn’t get fed up with us and send us away. 

John (delighted): That’s right, Peter!  Exactly!  If I were Him I would have gotten tired of the bunch of us by now.  But, that’s not His way.  Another thing I can’t understand, why does He pay more attention to the three of us than the other nine?  It’s not like we are better people. He’s as patient with them as He is with us. He corrects all of us all the time and isn’t worried about our feelings or reactions.  He is not afraid to come down hard on us. Yet He doesn’t do it to embarrass or humiliate any of us when He does it. He treats us all the same, in that sense. It’s like He expects us to act like idiots and never gets tired of us anyway.

James: That’s true. But He also treats each of a little differently. Like He knows what is going on in each one, what we are feeling and thinking, and always is considerate of us.

Peter: But why does He take us three with Him, and leave the others behind? I don’t get that at all. I mean, I love it, but I don’t understand it.

John: I’m not sure, but I think there is less to it, and also more to it, than we think.

Peter: What do you mean?

 John: Well, the easy answer is this: We three are the most difficult to deal with of everybody there. James and I are the most emotional, and have the most explosive tempers. You, Peter, are the most thick-headed and stubborn. You are also very impulsive and rash. So I think He is doing the group a favor by not always leaving us with them when He has something to do. I also think in some crazy way we three are the hardest nuts for Him to crack, if you get what I mean. And so He is doing us a favor by taking us with Him, because He knows we need more of His attention.

James: I never thought of that. But when I hear you say it, it rings true.

 Peter: Yes. It does. And you know, there is probably another reason too. I bet He knows that in order for the group to be able to work together, He has to be able to get us three to work together.  If He can do that with us, the others will fall into line.

 John. You may be right. With Him I think there is always more to everything He says and does than we can take in at any one time, because there is more to Him all the time.  

Peter:  James, why you stay instead of leaving?

 James: I never thought about that before. I suppose it is because even though this is the hardest thing I have ever done, it is also the most exciting.  No, exciting isn’t what I mean. Sometimes it is exciting and sometimes it is frustrating, but it is never boring. That’s it. That’s what I want to say. When I am around Him, when I pay attention to Him, I feel more alive as a result.  He makes life into an adventure. Before, without Him, it got boring.

Part Three: "in", "of" and "over"

 In is so multifaceted that it can be an adverb (“Please, show him in.”) or adjective (Who would not like to be part of the “in” group?) as well as a preposition.  As a preposition, in usually refers to place (While Jesus was in Jericho, He was neither in Nazareth nor standing in the Jordan.) or a state of being (As a child, Christ grew in wisdom and stature. As an adult He was always in trouble with the Scribes and Pharisees. At the end of His life, his career was in ruins. After He rose in glory, He sent the Holy Spirit upon his apostles.) The most important use of this little word is the phrase “life in Christ.” In those three words we have the reason why the whole New Testament was written, why the Church was founded and the Sacraments were instituted, how we were created and re-created, and how we are called to Glory.

 When we consider prepositions as adjectives, they quickly make us think of concrete nouns.  “I am “an against person” means that I am fighter to such a degree that aggression is my whole being.  “I am an away from person” says I am a hermit or a loner, wrapped up in myself and no other.  “I am a towards person” asserts that I really want to please you.

Is playing with prepositions this way a waste of time? No. Look at the preposition of in the question just asked.  It is such a tiny word, said (or read) so quickly. But the implications of of are phenomenal. “This…. is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh,” Adam says of Eve, meaning: “She is from me”, so of in this case means “I am her source or origin.”  Of can also mean Adam is the material, the very substance of Eve, as a necklace is made of gold. It can also mean “belonging to” as the gates of heaven can be found nowhere else except in God’s possession. Another meaning of of  is  before  as when we ask “ what time is it?”, and the reply comes that it is “ten of three”.  Little of can also open its arms in a wide embrace, as in the phrase “the love of God. 

 But let us return to the question asked: Is playing with prepositions “a waste of time”. Since time is of God, we have all the time He wants to give us. Certainly we can, and do, waste the time he gives us. But playing with prepositions is not wasting his time. He has all the time in the world. Playing with prepositions is serious stuff. It is a good way to use his gift of time to set ourselves in right relationship to Him.

 Satan, Christ tells us, is the “father of lies” (John 8:44). He is the source of all deceit. What makes Satan evil is that deceit has become his very nature. Even if he were to say something that is true, he would turn it into a lie by saying it for the wrong reason.  What is more dangerous than a truthful statement so subtly nuanced that it leads us astray because we do not recognize the deceit in it? Satan is incapable of truth since he is incapable of love.  He is incapable of love because he cannot recognize or embrace goodness in any form. He cannot even love himself as he is. His life is hell, a living death, a burning hatred and envy of all that is good and true in God’s creation. It should not be difficult for us to see why codependent behavior is so self destructive. It means that we are living a lie and but insisting on calling it truth. Until we stop deceiving ourselves, we make ourselves into his offspring.  To make ourselves children of the father of lies is an eternal waste of time.

 Over is not a popular preposition in our day. In our culture, it prepares people to think of someone in a position of power over them. Perhaps the adage of our age should be the adage of Lord Acton, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  Anyone with power is automatically suspect. This applies to Politics, Religion, Business, Sports, Entertainment, Employment, and in short, to every aspect of life. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we had the freedom to do what we want? Why should we have to follow orders and do what someone else says? That sums up the dislike we feel towards the authority over implies.

 Yet over is a humble word, more concerned about being helpful than heavy-handed or hurtful. For example, consider  the following meanings of over: “I am over it” can mean, “my bad mood has ended” and “I am ALL over it” says that “I am giving the issue at hand every bit of my attention.”  Over also implies “caring for” as in the sentence “A father is placed over his family.”

 Over serves best by humbly being authoritative.  There is no other way for over to provide justice, harmony and order in our lives. A conductor is in place over the orchestra. Certainly he has authority, but when he waves his baton, he is also performing a great service. His direction gives musician is the opportunity to play the proper way at the right time so as to fit in beautifully with all the others and create the harmonious sound of a symphony. Where would the orchestra be without a conductor over it? His presence and direction are not enslaving but liberating. The musicians are not made “less” by obeying him, but “more”.  They actually flourish and reach their full potential by giving up their autonomy as individuals and doing what they are told. Indeed, unless each performer freely surrenders his/her individuality, they cannot all become their best selves as a live orchestra.  

 Think of the indispensible role teachers have, as well as coaches, umpires, and referees.  In a classroom, learning cannot take place, if students and teacher are absolutely equal.  The teacher has to be over the students in so many ways, in authority, power, and dignity, for example. As a teacher he is more knowledgeable than the students, and has something of inestimable value to give them.  In sports, someone has to say when a hit is inside the foul line or outside it. In baseball that is the difference between a home run and a strike.  In football, a spectacular catch becomes a wasted effort when the tight end’s foot ends up landing over the line. We may cheer decisions we like, or boo ones we hate, but without someone to make the call, there is no way to play the game. Nor are there any players for the game without the practice and discipline provided by those over them who train them in the necessary skills.

 We undercut any chance for success in life when we decry the essential role authority has to play. Without the proper authority over us every step of the way, (including God’s as well as man’s), we stay slaves of ignorance, victims of disorder from within and without, and incapable of fulfilling our potential. The debt of gratitude we owe to those over us can never be repaid, except by our docile willingness to share with others the gifts we receive from those over us.

Part Two: The Power of Prepositions

Prepositions are usually quiet, gentle, and unobtrusive. They slip by our eyes as easily as the breath from our mouths. That is why prepositions are a wonderful image of Grace in its many forms.  True, every once in a while, God’s Grace may illuminate us with the brilliance of a lightning bolt, or stun us like a brick striking our forehead, but in general the stirrings and promptings of grace are such gentle nudges  that we shrug them off as if they were distracting thoughts. Prepositions have that same quality of being able to light up our minds and knocking us off balance. But they do so only rarely.  If they did it all the time, they would no longer be the humble parts of speech that they are. They would morph into energetic verbs. 

 Take, for example, the prepositions “towards”, “away from”, and “against”.  Watch what happens if we emphasize them as verbs:  “I TOWARDS you”.  It is as if my whole being is impelling itself in your direction.  But the purpose is not specified. My motive could be to take you over or to unite with you. “I  AGAINST  you”.  It is as if I am opposing you with everything that is in me. “I AWAY FROM you”. I am absolutely shutting you out of my life. 

If we move on to use “through”, “with” and “in” as verbs, their pervasive power becomes even more penetrating.  “I THROUGH  you” implies that I penetrate and permeate you completely. “I WITH you” connotes a unity (perhaps even a fusion) that is an inseparable bonding. “I IN you” has the same intensity of oneness about it. Think of the force of the prepositions in the conclusion of the Eucharistic Prayer: “Through Him, with Him, in Him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honor is yours, Almighty Father, forever and ever.” A depth of meaning is contained in through, with and in.

Consider two connotations of through in relation to Christ: by way of, and during. By way of means our life here is a journey and Christ is the way through life, really the Thruway. As we get on a thruway at one end, and come out at the other, He is the only Way through to eternal Life. During means that for the entire duration of our lives on earth and in eternity where there is no duration. It is through Christ we are and endure, in Time and Eternity.  

With also carries various implications. Often “with” means nearness. It can be the nearness of associates who form a self-serving group, as the crowds that went with Our Lord because they wanted more food from him.  But it can also be the closeness of opposition, as when Christ struggles with temptation and fights with Satan during his time in the desert. In that context, with means against, and the closeness shows how far apart the antagonists are.

It is not hard to assert that “with” is the most humble of prepositions, and, because of that, the most exalted.  “With” is the preposition of the Incarnation: “Behold a virgin shall be with child, and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel, which means ‘God-is-with-us’.” (Matthew 1:23) What could be a more simple way of naming the infinite humility in God than by saying He became one of his own creatures? What author would jump into his book, or artist into his picture? “With” is also the preposition of the Eucharist and the Church, Christ’s way of continuing his humble presence with us until the end of the world.  

Since humility is the way to glory, it is no wonder that with is meant to express our union in God’s divine Life. Our Lord says to the penitent thief, “…today you will be with me in Paradise”. (John 23:43)  The God who suffers with us in our flesh, calls us to be with Him as his new creation in heaven. Speaking of the heavenly Jerusalem, Scripture says, “Behold the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them.”  (Revelations 21:2-3) The triple with in that passage means God holds his people in the closest embrace and fills them with his very self. Those three withs encapsulate what it means for God “to be all in all”. “With” is the preposition of all the happiness, harmony, friendship,  interdependence, and fulfillment that heaven implies.

 t

St. Paul: Playing with Prepositions

                                           

                                          Part One: Some reflections on in, from, to, and with 

St. Paul has a unique way of using prepositions to move us into right relationship with God and one another. Religion’s role is to teach us how to relate correctly, while codependence is a dysfunctional way of relating.  Prepositions are insignificant parts of speech, compared with more important words such as nouns and verbs. God is always turning matters upside down and inside out by making the insignificant into the important. Nobodies are always chosen to be his somebodies.  St. Paul tells us that God uses the weak to shame the strong, and the foolish to shame the wise. In fact, God chooses what is lowly and despised to bring to nothing the things that are something ( see I Cor.  1:27 -28). St Paul is imitating God, we might say, by not using nouns and verbs exclusively to help us into right relationship, but prepositions, (the nobodies of the Grammar Book), to help us get into the continual conversion process our religion calls for.                 
 St. Paul’s perception of himself is equally humble and therefore wonderful. Paul never calls himself a theologian. He refers to himself as an “apostle”, seemingly a proud title, but its basic meaning in Greek is probably what Paul is proud of. And that meaning is "to be sent as an ambassador of someone else," namely Christ. Paul also calls himself “a slave of Jesus Christ”. He does not belong to himself but to His Master.  As Christ’s property, Paul does what he is told to do, namely preach the Gospel to the Gentiles. His slavery is freely embraced, and in fact is what enables him to be sent all over as an apostle.  It was a glorious vocation, but the glory of it came through the suffering involved in carrying it out. 

 Part of the marvel of Paul is his use of prepositions as a way of gaining entry to the Mystery of God that is in Christ.  His aim was to get real people to know Jesus Christ.  Paul used everyday examples and metaphors taken from their lived experience and daily conflicts in order to introduce them to spiritual realities beyond their imagining. Through his letters, Paul changed the way the people of his day saw reality, and the way they related to one another and God. In doing so he laid the foundations of Christian civilization in what would centuries later be Europe.   That is a stunning achievement, all the more astounding, when we realize that Paul had no idea what he was accomplishing. All he wanted to do was write a few letters to a few scattered communities. He had no idea of the impact his words would have on us centuries later. If he had, he probably would have been more careful of how he expressed himself. Paul’s Master, Jesus Christ did with Paul what Paul could never have hoped to achieve had he been pursuing his own agenda. Our Lord used Paul to change peoples’ thinking, feeling, behaving, in short, how they saw themselves in relation to Christ's message. By following Paul, people would move from codependence to interdependence, from tribalism to Church, or in the terms Paul uses, from death to life, from sin to grace, from slavery to freedom, in Christ Jesus.

Prepositions ably express various styles of codependence, and also concisely state the interdependence we care called to. In addition, prepositions illustrate the journey from one state of being to another.  Prepositions help us to see whatever we are stuck in, to look beyond it towards what we are being called to, and to go with the flow of grace moves us to cooperate. But they are so insignificant that they do not win our attention by themselves. Prepositions are humble servants that do not try to be noticed. All they want is to be part of the process of freeing us and helping us grow. Perhaps St. Paul should be named the patron saint of prepositions.  For, like John the Baptist, Paul goes before the Lord. Preparing the way for Christ, Paul positions himself before the people not as their savior, but as a slave of Christ.  Paul incarnates the meaning of the term pre-position by helping all who will listen to him to relate to God and man in Christ Jesus.

"Do Not Touch Me"

                         “NOLI ME TANGERE” is a fanciful exegesis of Christ’s encounter with Mary Magdalene in the garden after his Resurrection.  It is about Mary’s embrace of Our Lord in his Newness, and his ascensions before the Ascension. Christ’s conversations were usually longer than the short snippets found in the Gospels. We are told what is essential for us to hear.  Even that little is mysterious beyond our full comprehension. So it is helpful if we take the few lines the Spirit has moved the Gospel writer to give us and add some lines of uninspired dialogue to help us enter into the Mystery of what is done and said.

 Christ: “Do not touch me”! (John 20: 17)

Mary (Giddy with joy and dizzy with surprise): What!? How can I not touch you? I’m never going to let go of you! I can’t believe my eyes! If I ever let go of you, I would never believe you were in my arms! You are really alive?!  Is it you?

Christ: Of course I am.  You feel me don’t you? How can you have any doubt?

 She: Yes, it is you, but you are so different. I cannot put it into words. I don’t know how to say it. You are  so much more than you ever were, and everything I saw in you before is fresh and different. You are brand new.

He: Yes, Mary, I am risen. What did you expect? 

She: Nothing!  I didn’t expect anything. I thought you were dead and that was the end of it, the end of you. I was crazy with anger and pain. That’s why I was crying my eyes out. I missed you so much. You were gone, and the only thing I could feel was empty longing.

He: You have to let go of me now. I have something to do, "for I have not yet ascended to the Father."  (John 20: 17) And I have something for you to do too.

She: Not yet, not yet. I still can’t get it into my head that it really is you. Am I really holding you in my arms?

He: (laughing): Who would you be holding if not me? There is no one else in your arms. Who did you think I was?

She: The gardener. I thought you were the gardener.  

He (smiling):  That is also true. I am Gardener as well as Teacher. You should know that by now.

She: What do you mean?

He: Mary, where did the Man and the Woman first turn away from my Father?

 She: In the garden?

 He: Where did my agony begin?

She: In a garden?!

 He: What better place for me to flower afresh with new life than this garden? I make the world into my Father’s garden again. Mary, listen, you have to let go of me for now. This is not the time to hug me and celebrate my new life, because I have not yet gone back to the Father.

She (clutching): What has your Father got to do with it? You never pulled away from me before! Even when all those dirty-minded men were watching us as I washed your feet with nard, dried them with my hair, and kissed your toes.

He: I loved you touching me then and I love you hugging me now. But now is not yet the time to embrace and celebrate. My mission is not complete, and your work for me is not finished either. I am on my way to the Father now, and now I want you to go on your way to my disciples. As my mission is to go to Him, your mission is to go to them.

She: What are you talking about?

He: I have accomplished what the Father sent me to do.  Before I can appear to my brothers, I must present to the Father all I have done. My Work belongs to Him. My Dying belongs to Him, and my Rising also. I belong to Him in all I do. I am grounded in Him. I come from Him and return to Him. I go now for his blessing on all I have accomplished, on all He has worked in me and through me. Then I will bring to all of you the joy of my risen life. Then will my risen presence console my brothers. I cannot go to them without coming from Him. That is what my mission demands. When the Twelve see me again, I will be coming from the Father.

 She: I was so afraid I would never hold you again, never see you, never have contact with you. I thought I had lost you forever. You are really coming back? You are not going to leave us and stay with your Father?

 He: Mary, I know your fears.  Hear what I am telling you. You will have me forever, in an embrace that will never end. Now I must go to my Father, for your sake and my disciples’ sake. I must show Him all whom I have drawn to myself. I must sit at his right and tell him that my mission has been completed. You caught me in-between heaven and earth. You interrupted my return.

She: If going to Him is so urgent, why did you appear to me first? Why didn’t you just go?

He (smiling): As always, your tears melted my heart. I grant you a special privilege, an intimate blessing my brothers do not yet share. I permit you to see me before I return to the Father, so you see that I do nothing of myself. Everything I do has its origin in my Father and returns to Him, even this moment with you, and my sending you to my disciples, all that comes from Him.  

She:  When I think I understand I find I am more confused.  How can you be with the Father now and still be here with me? How does my going to your disciples come from Him? How do I know you will come back?

 He (smiling):  You never run out of questions.  One day you will have nothing more to ask me. At present you understand what I ask you to do, and that is sufficient. You are to “go to my brethren and tell them ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God ‘”. (John 20: 17) 

She: In those exact words? 

He: Yes. My Father is your Father. He never stopped being your Father, even when you stopped being his child. My Cross has cancelled out your sin and restored you to Him. Now my Father can call you and all my brothers his children again. Now the Father acknowledges all of you the same way He acknowledges me.

She: Why are you sending me to them?  They know what I was, who I was in the past. They are not going to believe you sent me. They will think I am a crazy, hysterical woman. They won’t believe you are alive unless YOU go to them.

 He:  I make you my apostle to the apostles. Blessed are you who bring the news of my rising to their ears. Do not fear, I will come from the Father, set my brothers’ hearts on fire, and they will continue my works.

She (babbling): How do I tell them about you without appearing crazy to them? They are going to ask me what you looked like, and, and how I know it was you, and am I sure I wasn’t seeing a ghost, or dreaming or whatever. How do I explain this to them?  

He:  Mary, tell them truth. You know I am real because you held me in your arms. It is impossible to touch a ghost.  

She: Yes but I have no words to tell them what you look like or how it feels to hold you and be held by you. 

He (laughing): Then tell them you have no words.  Seeing you without words should be a sign great enough to convince them that what you say is true. I must be a wonder if your words cannot capture me! Neither they nor I have ever seen you speechless! Now go!  I promise you that our meeting which you have managed to stretch out so long will one day become an unending embrace.

"Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, 'I have seen the Lord!' and she told them that He had said these things to her."   (John 20:18)

Part Five: Worship

 Religion is not magic, even though many of us Christians and Catholics practice magical thinking in the name of religion. One of the magic tricks we instinctively try to perform is to receive without giving. We focus on our basic neediness, and forget that we cannot hoard up God’s love as if it were material riches. We become selfish and individualistic in our effort to “save ourselves”, and do not even see the contradiction of selfishly trying to quantify and amass the love that moves us to give ourselves away. Thus we “multiply words as the pagans do”. We count the number of rosaries we say, the novenas we make or communions we receive or how many masses we go to or watch on TV, but still end up full of ourselves and empty of God. In our will to perfect our individual selves, we end up wasting God’s gifts for our Ego aggrandizement. 

It is magical thinking to cling to empty forms of worship and think the emptiness we personally experience is a sign of God’s presence in us. Our human experience of emptiness is usually the result of being full of ourselves, and not any sign of spiritual progress, or purification. It is magical thinking to assume we can attain the end result of the conversion process in one hesitant baby step, instead of entering into the lifelong process.  I would love for my conversion process to be quick, easy, and painless. But my conversion presupposes the crucifixion of my Ego. There are no exemptions for any of us. The Ego has such a grip on us that it colors all we do our whole life long, including our relating to God.

 Another example of magical thinking is the idea that repetition produces automatic sanctification. Please note: Repetition itself is not meaningless, but repetition by itself is. Repetition in anything that matters is essential. We have to go to Communion over and over again, to Confession over and over again. We have to repeat fifty Hail Mary’s and ten Our Father’s every time we say the Rosary. All life, natural and supernatural, is built on repetition.  Our Ego is not eliminated by one dramatic deed. We breathe over and over, as well as eat and sleep over and over. Our heart pumps over and over, and our cells repeatedly reproduce themselves.  Repetition is the building block in the order of grace as well as the order of nature. There is no way to write words except by repeating letters which form words, and no way to grow in virtue except by repeating the deeds that develop the virtue in us.

 What is it that makes repetition meaningless? The “absence of attention” seems the best way to phrase the answer. Think of how mindlessly we can make the Sign of the Cross, as if we were brushing away a fly, and the meaning of “absence of attention” to what we are doing becomes clear.  For another example, imagine the result if you were to tell your sweetheart “I love you” in the same offhanded fashion you bless yourself. How seriously would your words be taken?  What degree of meaning would they have?  Again, what would the result be if you were talking to your best friend and constantly glancing at your wrist watch? Would your friend think you were present and attentive?   The lifting up of the mind and heart to God is a virtuous activity because it is a consciously willed and attended to.  Rote clichés and parroted phrases are just that:  rote clichés and parroted phrases. 

 Our obedience to Christ’s command to “Do this me remembrance of me” cannot be worship or devotion unless we are remembering Him. The very act of remembering is the heart of worship. Robots cannot worship. They are not capable of any conscious focus, only of mechanical activity.  Repetition naturally tends to be mechanical because repetition ingrains a habit that becomes second nature. Since reverence necessarily includes the awareness to remember, I find it more helpful to think of reverence as a “discipline” instead of a “habit.”  Not that the change of wording solves the problem, but regarding reverence as a discipline pushes me to keep it a matter of prayer instead of routine practice.  Part of our discipline as disciples is to work at such prayerful attention. Another part is to realize how woefully inadequate our efforts are, and to ask Him for the grace we need to attend to Him. His words, “Without me you can do nothing” are not meant to humiliate us, but to make us see that we cannot attend to Him unless He first attends to us.

The way some priests “say” mass, (routine, deadpan recitation) and the way a lot of people “go to” mass (individual spectators instead of family participants), are both good examples of how to worship badly. This is one reason why I like the new translation of the Mass into English.  Most of the objections I have heard to the new translation stem from the fact that is more faithful to the Latin texts. For me, that is the reason why I like it. The new English translation of the Latin: 1) is more elegant in its expression and rich in its imagery than the old English was, 2) makes me conscious of the Majesty and Mystery of the God I am addressing in the Church’s name, 3) pulls me out of my Ego Bubble, 4) makes me be more aware and attentive to what I am saying and doing, 5) calls me to reverence. 

 Some of the old Collect prayers left me feeling like I was a drill sergeant calling God to attention and giving him orders. The new English is still so new it cannot be said by rote, nor can the new Eucharistic prayers be recited on automatic pilot. That will not always be the case, but by the time it is, I hope the new English has awakened us to the Beauty and Mystery we celebrate in the Eucharist. At the very least the New English should act as a counterforce to the impoverishment that took place in our worship and Christian life due to the language we were using.

The Cross constantly challenges us who believe in Christ to let Christ make us into the persons we were meant to be by refashioning us in his image and likeness through the crucifixion of our Ego. The church that is not on the Cross will cease to be his church.  In his mercy, may He continue to open our eyes to the many ways we say yes to him while doing no, so that our self-deception will not fix us in a life style that deprives us of the life and love He offers.

PART FOUR

The Cross

Christian community is based on the mutual support we as Church give to one another through prayer, donations, worship, fellowship, study, the sacraments and service.  This is the lifelong process of loving one another in Christ.  Those last two words “in Christ”   sum up the mystery of the Church very concisely, and need more explanation. For me, the symbol that best explains our identity as Christ’s Church is the Cross.

The horizontal beam of the Cross represents Christ reaching out to embrace all humanity in endless self gift. The vertical beam stands for his offering of himself to the Father to save us.  When we sign ourselves with the Cross, or when a priest blesses us with the Cross and we in turn bless ourselves, we 1) express our faith in Christ’s saving death; 2) call upon its power to save us; 3) commit to live out its saving  power in the oblation we make through our Christian lives. Without the Cross, our suffering is wasted. With the Cross, our suffering is redemptive. The Church is the Family of God taking up the Cross because it is first taken up by it.

The power of the Cross enables us to grow from codependence to interdependence.  It is helpful for us believers to use those two terms, which are not religious, even though our growth is religious activity and a spiritual reality.  The reason why is that “codependence” and “interdependence” are not yet overly loaded words nor empty clichés. (Religious terms have a way of becoming both, probably the latter as a result of being the former.) As somewhat neutral words, codependence and interdependence can help us to see our religious beliefs in a fresh way. We thereby avoid the pitfall of thinking we understand beforehand everything we are talking about, or thinking we are talking about a lot of nothing. Thus “codependence” and “interdependence” become a means of applying to ourselves what Christ accomplishes for us by his dying and rising.  While Christ on the Cross catches us up in himself and brings us to his Father in his gift of himself, the dynamic of the Cross does not reoccur in us unless we freely embrace Him. Christ’s humble, self sacrificing love is freely given, and has to be received in the same manner.  This does not mean merely that we thank Him for his generosity, but that we enter into his sacrificial self giving.  We cannot receive what He has to give unless we are prepared to continue handing on what He offers us by our own self sacrifice.

God is self-giving love. He is incapable of not giving Himself away.  Christ’s Cross contains the Father’s self-gift as well as his own outpouring of self as the Father’s Son. Thus the Cross communicates to us their Spirit of Oneness who makes us capable of union with one another by giving ourselves away. Husband and wife live out of this love by their sacrifice of themselves for each other, and for their children. Their self-gift results in their growth into a deeper realization of their own identities.  Through his self-gift the man becomes a father and therefore more of a man; the woman, a mother and therefore more of a woman. The new being of each demonstrates to us the fruitfulness of self-giving love, and is the pattern we follow in the Church as the Family of God, as we father, mother, brother and sister one another in the Christian Life. The self-gift of the Triune God through the Cross of Christ makes us into the Family of God. The Cross calls us continually grow into who we are by continuously giving away the Love we are receiving, The only way to receive the gift is to keep giving it. The only way to give it is in our self giving which opens us to keep receiving more and more of God’s endless outpouring. This is the dynamic of Life in Christ as the Family of God through the power of the Cross.

Christ and Codependence

PART THREE

I think self-help groups like Alcoholics Anonymous are successful because they are founded on the right principles and practice. I love the fact that the principles and practices are Christian, but they would be true, right, and good, no matter who had come up with them.  No one in AA or any other self-help group has to be a Christian. The principles work for anyone who practices them.

 A reading of the twelve step program makes it clear that: 1) we need to believe in a Higher Power to which we surrender our lives, 2) take a moral inventory of our lives,  3) admit our character defects to another human being, 4) acknowledge our powerlessness to change ourselves, 5) humbly petition the “God” we believe in to remove our faults and defects,  6) ask forgiveness of God as we understand Him and of the persons we have offended  (in so far as it is possible)  for the harm we have done,  7)practice prayer and meditation so as to grow in our awareness of God and our willingness to do His Will, and  8) carry the message of AA to others  through regular group meetings where we give and receive the help we need.   All of that would certainly help me be a better human being as well as a better Christian and Catholic. (All those steps are what we do in the Sacrament of Reconciliation which empowers us to witness to Christ’s mercy in our lives).  If I am neither Christian nor a Catholic, the principles and practices will help me be a better whatever-I-happen-to-be.

I don’t suppose the principles and practices would help an atheist be a better atheist, but who knows?  Atheism is something I don’t really understand. Atheism seems to be a matter of Faith to me as much as any other religion is. From my perspective, atheism is even more a matter of Faith than Christianity because atheism more unreasoned and unreasonable. Christianity, on the other hand, goes beyond reason, into Mystery, but is consistently reasoned and reasonable in doing so. Perhaps atheism can be defined as the religion of those who believe in the God-who-is-not-there?  Are there common dogmas which compose the Creed of Unbelief?  Are there different splinter groups or sects that have separated themselves from a main body, as with other religions? What little of it I do understand makes me think some atheists make the same mistake all of us human beings make to a lesser degree, but as atheists  they carry the mistake to its logical extreme. Namely, they act as if our minds were the measure of all that is, even God. Of course, our minds are in no way up to the task of taking the measure of God. So these atheists conclude God doesn’t exist because he doesn’t fit into their brains. The believer concludes He does exist for that very same reason!  We could never think Him, because He thinks us.  He can’t be an idea in our minds, since we begin as ideas in his.

 Other varieties of atheists, such as those who deny God because of the existence of suffering and evil, I find myself more in sympathy with. They make some sense to me because I know my mind by its natural powers could never reason beyond the existence of God, to a God who was self giving Love, one who would take all of our sin and suffering into his very being and use it to redeem us. I could never think such a thing logical or reasonable unless I believed in Christ, the Son of God who actually does “become sin so that we could become the very righteousness of God”.

 To grow out of codependent behavior we human beings must grow in Truth and Love.  That would include atheists too. Any atheist who thinks that Truth and Love are nothing but imaginary abstractions has no way to explain how he grows and becomes a better person.  The transformation, the growth in goodness, (if real, and not a matter of grandiose imagination), is the work of Love and Truth in him, stretching him beyond the limits of is self centered Ego. Any atheist who does develop his head and heart has to confront the fact that Truth and Love are taking his measure, no matter what Creed he holds to.

Christ and Codependence

                                                              

PART ONE

Why am I writing about Christ and Codependence?  Or, for that matter, why should you bother to read it? The best answer I can give is that Christ is the Way out of Codependence. However, for some readers, that may seem like the worst answer. They would probably ask me:  “Why bring Christ (and therefore ‘religion’ of some sort) into a discussion of Codependence? Certainly we can study the topic without Him”.  Am I being narrow-minded, arrogant or sectarian, trying to sneak in my religious views where they don’t belong and impose them on others?  I don’t think so. I know Christ and Codependence don’t fit together in everyone’s minds, so I need to explain what I am doing and why.

One reason is that I write from a Faith perspective. From that perspective Codependence is something that Christ is constantly confronting in us whether we are aware of it or not. Becoming aware can be a step forward for us so we do not offer him so much resistance.  Since my religious Faith creates that perspective in me, it would be unfair of to expect me to jump out of my skin and try to write as if I were a non believer.  Secondly,  looking at the issue of Codependence from a  Christian Faith Perspective broadens and deepens my horizons by opening the topic to the dimension of Divine Mystery instead of focusing on the issue narrowly, say, from the perspective of one brand of Psychology or another. Thirdly, Christ is involved in issues of codependence in one situation after another all the time throughout the four Gospels. Fourthly Christ is not just one more player in the arena of Codependence because I or anyone else decides to mention Him, but because of whom he is. He is the Creator of all that is.  He is the Logos, the Cause, Rationale, and Goal of all that exists.  “In him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible… all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things and in him all things hold together. (Colossians I: 16-17) We all appear as blips on his radar screen even if we try to keep him out of the private Ego Bubble that makes up our little world.

 For example, suppose I jump off the Empire State Building, a) because I a depressed and suicidal, or b) because I am insane and think I am able to fly. It really doesn’t matter what I think or how I feel. The Law of Gravity will automatically take effect. No matter what my state of being, I will fall to my destruction. My accepting, rejecting, or ignoring the Law of Gravity, doesn’t influence its operation. The same is true of Christ. He is the Word, “through whom all things were made and without whom was not anything made that was made” (John 1:3). There is nothing that is a part of us that he is not in touch with, and nothing that does not touch him. Everything finds its origin, meaning and fulfillment in him. He is the Alpha and Omega. All that our human nature goes through is caught up in his Incarnation, redeemed by his Crucifixion, and drawn up with him to the Father in his Resurrection and Ascension. This includes the Cosmic Laws that guide the stars, sun, moon, and planets, as well as those which govern us ensouled bodies.

If I had been born in a different time or place, I might have been a pantheist, an atheist, an agnostic, or a believer in any of many different gods. I am sure that no matter when or where I was born, I would have been codependent!

 I am happy to be here now and be the person I am. But the fact is that (as is the case with every other human being,) I could very easily never have been born, and in that case the world would exist quite nicely without me. I am not necessary to the world for its operation. My existence and thinking may matter little in terms of the dynamics that govern creation in general and human existence in particular. The same is true of every one of us. But because I am alive now and have both Faith and Reason now, I would be foolish not to make the best use I have of both. My hope is that by doing so I will cooperate with Christ in his work of freeing me from my codependence and, Deo Volente, even be of some help to others.

PART TWO

 As a Roman Catholic priest, I have often wondered why we Catholics, lay, religious, and clergy, do not make more progress in our spiritual lives. My experience tells me that generally we Catholics are more likely to be spiritual pygmies than spiritual giants.  One of the reasons is that we are caught up in codependent behavior patterns that render us incapable of true spiritual growth. Much of the time, our Christianity may be more counterfeit than genuine, in spite of our sincerity.   For example, I can think I am praying to Christ correctly, or following him as a disciple, or keeping his commandments, yet that will not actually be the case.  Instead, I will be caught up in my own codependent style and unconsciously attempt to catch Him up in it too. In fact, real conversion, discipleship, and prayer are not possible until I grow in self knowledge and wake up to my codependent style.  

The instance of the two brothers fighting over money in Luke 12:13 is an example of this problem. One of the brothers tells the Lord: ‘’Teacher, bid my brother divide the inheritance with me.” The man sees Christ as some kind of authority figure that he can appeal to, and is asking him for help in getting the property he thinks he has a right to.  On the surface, it seems like a fair enough request.  The brothers know that Christ has a reputation for being a caring, loving person who can work wonders to help people out of difficult situations. He does what is right and good to everyone.  So Christ’s response must have come as a surprise to the brother. “Man, who made me a judge or divider over you?”   (vs. 14)  He refuses the request, and says he does not have to involve himself in their dispute. They must have been surprised by his response. Probably they changed their minds about him. He definitely was not the “nice guy” they thought he was.

 Christ does not feel obliged to fulfill the man’s expectations.  He is not going to take the side of one of the brothers over the other.  It is not a question of which brother is in the right, because from Our Lord’s perspective both are wrong.  Christ warns the two of them:  “Beware of all covetousness.” They’re both in the wrong, because both are acting out of their desire for more. Neither is really interested in justice, just in winning the fight.  That is why Christ won’t get involved in their squabble. He won’t collude with them and play their game by their rules.

 What does this have to do with codependency? Everything!  It is a great example of the way we relate to Christ out of our codependent style with one another and expect Him to go along with us. But He who is the Truth is going to expose our falsity. The two brothers are into aggression as a way of getting what they want.  This has probably been going on since childhood, and now it is a fixed style they are more or less locked into whenever they relate.  Even when they are civil or polite, the underlying aggression is there, like a tiger ready to pounce, when the opportunity presents itself.  But neither brother has enough self knowledge to be aware of this habitual behavior. The self deception, or blindness in Biblical terms, is a component of codependent life style.  So each thinks (probably in all sincerity) he is seeking justice, when he is basically looking for his own advantage.  Even if they both agreed to let Christ mediate their dispute, his decision would not bring about harmony or peace between them.  Their fighting would continue, no matter what He decided.   The real solution is for each to realize that covetousness, self seeking greed for what the other has, is in their hearts and moving them to be fighting with each other over everything.

 Christ is not a Mr. Fixit with quick one-step solutions to our problems. He calls us to a new way of being that begins with conversion, and deepens as the conversion takes us over more and more completely.  In our struggle for independence and control, we would like to reduce conversion to a simple, one-step process. (Been there, done that!  In fact, still there, still doing that!) Conversion includes the crucifixion of our Ego, and the Ego has such a grip on us that it colors all we do, including our relating to God.